I'm so far away from my house now. I'm spending my time at my father's.
I barely have internet here. It's fine for me. I work everyday for my family so am busy.
The village he had moved is very small. Everyone knows everyone. Most of youngs leave here after graduation of high school. I look around. I see massive field filled by agricultural productions and see why with their perspective.
Yet, I can't fine nothingless. This town failed to be perfectly nothing. That's why people are easy to find lack and struggle to improve.
I won't be a civil of this village but just want to see improvement to be impressed and be stimulated.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Thursday, June 14, 2007
teeth
I went to dentist to take cavity out and put silver metal in today. It was first time ever for me in the US. Even though I was wearing t-shirt says "I can resist everything but temptation" by Abercrombie & Fitch, I was scared as fuck inside.
The dentist numbed half of my face with most painful shot I have ever had. The eye of my side even sheded tear twice. After all, my brain was somehow tired but somehow high.
Yea, I was like drunk.
My mother stopped by Walmart after this dentist appointment. I saw my old friend from high school there. I think I was really rude. I was talking without thinking. Ahh...what a shame!!
I purchased mac & cheese there. Sadly, it was almost only thing I could eat tonight...
The dentist numbed half of my face with most painful shot I have ever had. The eye of my side even sheded tear twice. After all, my brain was somehow tired but somehow high.
Yea, I was like drunk.
My mother stopped by Walmart after this dentist appointment. I saw my old friend from high school there. I think I was really rude. I was talking without thinking. Ahh...what a shame!!
I purchased mac & cheese there. Sadly, it was almost only thing I could eat tonight...
Monday, June 11, 2007
Mr. Amuzak
"There is really no way to reach me." --The Fray
I try to limit my identity in public as best I can to see how this blog can be turned out. I don't use this blog to kill my time as I used to do for xanga.
Life is boring, you know.
I was thinking today. I had been "a clown" for long time. I do a lot of stupid things. I acted like stupid. I lived really awkward. Until I became a clown, I was not laughing. I was filled with emotion of anger and hate. Life isn't fun without laugh. I did not enjoy talking with people around me then. It's sequence that laugh of others sometime make you laugh too. So I took this job to make them laugh thus myself laugh. It was very entertaining...defenetly helped to kill my long long time in life. I wanted it. Somehow I dragged this until today.
If I take this clown part off my face, what's left on me? None. I even forgot who I am. I decided to stop it. I wanted to be little honest to myself and anyone around. It was just like a band-aid. Hide and protect your scars. But it's not actually good idea to be stronger, so you should face to your scars. Now, this clown isn't anyone. It's not even me. It was ripped off.
It's not even Mr. Amuzak.
Who am I? I'm Amuzak. I used to live in Laputa. Now I'm refugee from big mess I made, from being traced, and from being trapped down by standing on the chess board. I can't even appear to be who I am. Dont' worry. I'm just waiting until this huge disaster passes through my life.
I try to limit my identity in public as best I can to see how this blog can be turned out. I don't use this blog to kill my time as I used to do for xanga.
Life is boring, you know.
I was thinking today. I had been "a clown" for long time. I do a lot of stupid things. I acted like stupid. I lived really awkward. Until I became a clown, I was not laughing. I was filled with emotion of anger and hate. Life isn't fun without laugh. I did not enjoy talking with people around me then. It's sequence that laugh of others sometime make you laugh too. So I took this job to make them laugh thus myself laugh. It was very entertaining...defenetly helped to kill my long long time in life. I wanted it. Somehow I dragged this until today.
If I take this clown part off my face, what's left on me? None. I even forgot who I am. I decided to stop it. I wanted to be little honest to myself and anyone around. It was just like a band-aid. Hide and protect your scars. But it's not actually good idea to be stronger, so you should face to your scars. Now, this clown isn't anyone. It's not even me. It was ripped off.
It's not even Mr. Amuzak.
Who am I? I'm Amuzak. I used to live in Laputa. Now I'm refugee from big mess I made, from being traced, and from being trapped down by standing on the chess board. I can't even appear to be who I am. Dont' worry. I'm just waiting until this huge disaster passes through my life.
Endless Entropy
Let's start with this blog I had posted in Japanese 5/25/07 to my mixi account.
First of all, how do you define endless entropy? Let me tell you. It's not like a little trouble you can live with. It's a disaster you encounter at some point of your life. It's your choice to overcome. If you chose to do so, it shall turns you in 180 degrees.
I guess nothing has the end until you actually make effort to get out of the situation. Honestly, I made a huge mess. It broke the heart of someone I care. Bad thing is that I left it. I know what I had done and how lazy I was to clean it up. Or probably I wasn't facing to what was going on.
By the time I faced it, the mess was the effect for everyone to turn somewhere around. A month had passed people had made effort to change. You may criticize it's good now. Wrong. It's just a posteriori reasoning. I still need to clean something up and most importantly, to appologize some of them.
But now I'm glad. I am no longer binded to fantasy. I no longer need to take a role of "replacement." I can sit down and regard my own future plans calm. I don't need to be twisted around somebody's little finger anymore.
I came to understand. It's I who eagered this endless entropy to write another chapter on my life story. I'm stuck but will get out someday.
Let me dedicate this blog with appriciation and appology to the lady who reminded me through eating sushi. Thank you!! You seriously helped turning my view. That's why now I live in reality.
First of all, how do you define endless entropy? Let me tell you. It's not like a little trouble you can live with. It's a disaster you encounter at some point of your life. It's your choice to overcome. If you chose to do so, it shall turns you in 180 degrees.
I guess nothing has the end until you actually make effort to get out of the situation. Honestly, I made a huge mess. It broke the heart of someone I care. Bad thing is that I left it. I know what I had done and how lazy I was to clean it up. Or probably I wasn't facing to what was going on.
By the time I faced it, the mess was the effect for everyone to turn somewhere around. A month had passed people had made effort to change. You may criticize it's good now. Wrong. It's just a posteriori reasoning. I still need to clean something up and most importantly, to appologize some of them.
But now I'm glad. I am no longer binded to fantasy. I no longer need to take a role of "replacement." I can sit down and regard my own future plans calm. I don't need to be twisted around somebody's little finger anymore.
I came to understand. It's I who eagered this endless entropy to write another chapter on my life story. I'm stuck but will get out someday.
Let me dedicate this blog with appriciation and appology to the lady who reminded me through eating sushi. Thank you!! You seriously helped turning my view. That's why now I live in reality.
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