Question

Once in awhile, I experience depression. It's like seasonal event, and when it comes, I have no way to prevent that...well, at least now. It means I still carry some part of me that accepts blame I encounter. It's not like I am childish and not capable of hearing critics about me. It's that there is I who tortures myself. I remember Christian Bale's quote on GQ magazine bit long time ago. He said that we sometime need to torture ourselves just to see if we can come out from other side of the surface.

Self-torturing and doubt have been the way to practice and strengthen myself. But it could be also said that this is totally miserable. Yes, I agree. I am proud of my progress and improvement out of this practice, but I am not for myself who needs to take this way to evolve. Once I fell in this condition, I kept pulling myself down as deep as I could go.






I hate to say this, but right now, everything seems miserable. Like...at this moment. I don't know why I'm facing to my PC and typing all of these. This is non-sense. I am not even looking for vent because I know no one will read this post, and I don't want people to worry about me.
I don't want myself to remember these depressions that I have experienced so far but what I have acquired out of it.

I guess I am so lonely. I don't know how to get out here, but what I know is that the time will somehow and eventually pull me out of this place.